Tarr's Law of Tech Douchebaggery

I have been a huge fan of Adobe's Creative Cloud initiative. I use pretty much all of their software year round, so it seems like a no brainer… for a monthly subscription, you get access to everything Adobe makes. It might cost a little more in the long run, but in exchange you get some good benefits. Upgrade protection: upgrades arrive, usually before they hit for everyone else, without a purchase going out of date. Typekit: hell, it's almost worth it just for that. DPS publishing service, unlimited. Plus if you commit to a year, you get a discount on the monthly cost. No brainer for anyone who uses this stuff all the time, like me.

Because of this, I discovered a new axiom of technology. It's one that I suspected, and thought might be limited to cable providers and cell phone companies, who we expect to value and hate simultaneously. I reveal to you now Tarr's Law of Tech Douchebaggery.

(important resource x monthly price) ^ annual contract discount = coeffiicent of douchebaggery

I submit to you, dear reader, that Tarr's Coefficient is an immutable law of technology. If you take any technology resource, and change its income stream to a monthly billable amount, and then on top of that offer an incentive to "lock in" a price for a year or more, the probability of that company engaging in what we call in technical parlance "douchebaggery" increases exponentially.

This has not been provable in the past, because telecommuncations companies such as cable providers and cell phone companies have always had duplicity and obfuscation at the core of their businesses, it was impossible to tell if it was because of their methods or the nature of their business in the first place.

However, we can thank Adobe for providing an opportunity to test this hypothesis. Previously, Adobe sold products. You want Photoshop, you buy Photoshop. They dabbled in dark arts when they packaged their software as "Suites," like Microsoft Office… package software into mostly-useful bundles that cost a small fortune, but that cost much less than just buying the three applications you really want. Apple mastered this with the last Final Cut Studio, by simply not selling the software items individually. Shifty, perhaps, but at the end of the day, you decide to pay for a thing and you get that thing.

But observe. I subscribed to Creative Cloud for Educators on day one. $29/month. Very inexpensive, and I need to have the most up to date stuff to teach it to students. This month, Adobe offers an introductory rate for educators: $19/month. That's amazing. And natural for me to ask: can I get this rate? Can't hurt to ask.

You are now chatting with 'Anand Kumar'
Anand Kumar: Hello! Welcome to Adobe Customer Service.
Anand Kumar: Hi Simon.
Simon Tarr: HI!
Anand Kumar: As I understand you want to get the subscription with current offer. Am I correct?
Simon Tarr: That's correct.
Anand Kumar: Thank you for confirming.
Anand Kumar: I will be glad to check and help you with this.
[security verification stuff]
Anand Kumar: Are you trying to cancel the existing one and replace the order for the current one?
Simon Tarr: Um, I guess if that's the only way to do it.
Anand Kumar: I am sorry, 12-month plans cancelled after the 30-day period will be charged 50% of the remaining plan fee.
Anand Kumar: I apologize for any inconvenience occurred to you in this regard.
Simon Tarr: No! don't cancel it!
Anand Kumar: I understand your frustration.
Anand Kumar: Your 12-month plan is billed each month for the duration of your 1-year commitment.
Simon Tarr: I know how it works.
Anand Kumar: Only for this 1-year commitment, Adobe gives the product in lower price.
Simon Tarr: You didn't cancel it, did you?
Anand Kumar: Once again I apologize for any inconvenience occurred to you in this regard.
Anand Kumar: No, I did not cancel.
Anand Kumar: Please click here to know more. [link to TOS]
Simon Tarr: Is there anyone at a higher level who can rethink this?
Anand Kumar: I understand your concern.
Anand Kumar: I regret to inform that no one will be able to cancel with out the 50% of the remaining plan fee
Anand Kumar: I'm happy to help. Do you have anymore questions for me?
Simon Tarr: No one at Adobe can use a computer to change the price of my monthly payments from $29 to $19?
Anand Kumar: I am sorry, it is not possible to change the price of an existing subscription.
Simon Tarr: That's all I needed to know before I go forward. Thanks, Anand.
Anand Kumar: You are welcome.
Anand Kumar: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Simon Tarr: Nope.

Now, please note that I was not a dick to this poor guy working the chat. And also, I've got no problem with the price I'm paying. And I'm not flipping tables over and saying "I'll take my business elsewhere." I value this software, and I'm paying a price that makes sense.

However, we should beware going forward. This is beginning to resemble the dealings of the cable companies and cell companies, who are among the most reviled businesses around that are not banks. People put up with it up to a point, but if cable subscriptions are any indication, if you push it too far, people will quit the moment there is an alternative.

Still. I'm really pleased with Creative Cloud as a tool set. Hopefully all this stuff will shake out.