*rabble rabble rabble*
"All right, people. Let's come to order. It's the 150th anniversary of the temporary laying down of arms by General Lee to the Northern Aggressors. It's looking a little awkward for us. We've still got this damned president that we're not allowed to compare to a monkey without being called a racist, which is frankly pretty racist if you ask me."
"And it's gotten so bad that even now, a decent police officer can't even execute suspects without TIME Magazine whining about it on the cover. Which is frankly pretty racist if you ask me."
*rabbleharrumph! remember when they tinted that OJ Simpson cover to make it more realistic? harrumph*
"So, as a former fraternity president I have come to an unfortunate conclusion."
"We, as a people, have drifted off message."
*RABBLE RABBLE HARRUMPH OF ASSENT*
"Now, everybody, remember the talking points. Number one! The War of Northern Aggression was not fought over slavery. It was fought over...?"
"And chief among those right was...?"
"And the great southern planters needed the federal government to get off their backs so that they could...?"
"Yeah. We're going to need to tweak that."